Bloody foreigners. Coming over here stealing our jobs. Let’s build a wall. A giant wall. All around the coast of the UK. Screw the coastal scenery and ecology – immigration is ruining our country. But we’ll need a door in the wall. Us Brits like our foreign holidays you see. Oh and we’ll need to be able to get to our second homes on the continent. And obviously we’ll need to be able to leave so we can go and work abroad. There’s millions of us who like to do that. There are more jobs overseas you see. And they’re often better paid. So we need to be able to come and go to take advantage of those.
So we need the giant wall to keep the foreigners out of our country. But a giant door to allow us Brits to leave when we want, so can we take foreigners jobs (and women), and inflate their property markets so that only we can afford to buy their homes. Yes! The building of the wall (and the door) could even help grow our own economy by creating jobs. This is perfect!
Oh, hang on, we don’t have enough engineers to build the wall. So we’ll also need another small door to allow some foreign engineers in. Just a few though. Oh, but what if the workers get ill – we don’t have enough doctors. Ok, so let’s build another door for some foreign doctors. Only a few mind. And us Brits like everything to be organised. So we’ll need an IT system. Damn. We don’t have enough IT specialists. Ok let’s have another door for them too. And maybe one for a few more cleaners – we wouldn’t want the wall to be unsightly now would we.
Right. I’ve got it. We’ll build a big wall. But have a massive door to allow us all out to go and live and work where we choose. And then we’ll have a door for engineers, a door for doctors, a door for IT specialists, and a door for cleaners. And then, just in case, maybe another door for any other labour that we might need because we must get this wall built to keep all the foreigners out. Great! Now I can relax knowing none of those bloody foreigners can ruin our country.